Hannah over at Illini_Girl’s Adventures likes to joke that she specializes in awkward. I’m not sure what my specialty is, but here are a few things that seem to only happen to me.
Only I could:
… get stopped for texting while driving, when I actually wasn’t
I had the radio on and I thought I heard my phone ring. I checked to see if someone had called and next thing I know there are flashing lights behind me. Ugh. I knew I wasn’t speeding, but it was 9 p.m. on a Saturday night. And my license plate sticker was out of date. The officer explained to me why I was being pulled over. I showed him that I hadn’t made or received a text message since 7:30 that night. He gave me a written warning anyway. Not a ticket, but still! This has taught me to keep my phone in my purse (preferably in the back seat) from now on.
… offer roadside real estate advice
A couple of days before that I was walking my dog and some guy stopped alongside the road. I live fairly close to the University so it’s not uncommon for people to ask for directions. This guy was different. First of all, his car was PACKED with random stuff. And he had an open box of Cheerios in the front seat, like he was snacking on them during the drive. Anyway, he pulls up and asks me if there are any apartments for rent in the area. I tell him there aren’t a lot of apartments in the neighborhood, but if he goes closer to campus he’s sure to find some. He didn’t like this answer, so he asked about houses. I told him to drive around and look for signs. He asked how much rental houses go for around here. I told him I didn’t rent, but I thought they were fairly reasonable. I explained that I have a friend in the apartment leasing business, but he deals with mostly college students.
Over the course of the next 10-15 mins (remember: he is in his car alongside a fairly busy road. I’m holding my dog on a leash) he proceeds to tell me waaayyyy too many details about his life: I know he’s 40. He’s from Ohio. He has no friends/family here. He just got a great job, but doesn’t want to pay more than $500 in rent, etc. Finally, I said: “I’m not sure what else to tell you,” and told him to look up a real estate agent. Or buy a newspaper. I was kinda weirded out by the experience, so I took the SUPER long way home just in case he was following me.
… fail to recognize the warning signs*
Last weekend, I met some friends downtown for Happy Hour. My “usual” parking spot was full so I had to park in a large lot a couple blocks away. When we got done it was dark (sidenote: ever notice how happy hour is *never* just an hour), I walked with my friend to the end of the block and then we parted ways. I clicked the “unlock” button on my keyless entry thing, saw the lights flashing and hopped into the car. As soon as I sat down, I realized something wasn’t right. The car was CLEAN… and I couldn’t figure out where to put my key. About that time, the *real* owner of the car walks up and says: “I think you’re in my car.” Me: “oh, I thought something wasn’t right. Sorry.” and turned and walked away like it was no big deal. I kinda wonder what he thought when he saw the crazy girl getting into his car. I found mine a few rows down and went home.
*this title was left intentionally vague. I wanted those of you who didn’t already read it on facebook to experience it as I did.
Seriously, this stuff only happens to me.